Impact Story Series: Heather's Story

At Bereaved Families of Ontario – Halton/Peel, our Impact Story Series is a space where members of our community share their personal experiences of grief and healing in their own words. These stories remind us that grief takes many forms and that through sharing, we can find connection, understanding, and hope.

We are deeply grateful for Heather T. for sharing her powerful and heartfelt story with us, alongside a photo of her and Tut, a person who meant so much to her life's journey. Her story reminds us that grief and healing can carry many layers, including love, pain, resilience, and forgiveness.

This is a story of courage, about navigating loss that is complex and deeply personal, and about finding strength through compassionate support. 

There are moments in this story that may be difficult to read, including experiences of neglect and abuse. We invite you to hold Heather's words gently and with respect, honouring her bravery in sharing this intimate part of her life. 

"The Centre for Grief and Healing helped me cope with the loss of my birth father and find the strength to move on from a complicated relationship.

I was adopted into a family that loved me—but their love didn’t protect me from neglect. That neglect left me vulnerable to abuse by others.

By the time I was 13, I knew I was attracted to both boys and girls. Tut was my first girlfriend. She grew up on a reservation, and because of the trauma we both experienced in childhood, we connected instantly. When we were out in public, I felt safe from the world—but behind closed doors, I wasn’t safe from her. Our relationship became dangerous. One incident nearly cost me my life. Another time, she came at me with a knife. That was when I finally ended things. But even though she abused me, I never stopped loving her.

As an empath, I could still feel her presence. In 2019, I sensed she might be reaching out. I contacted her family and learned she was dying. Without a liver transplant, she wouldn’t survive. I considered donating part of mine—but I knew I couldn’t be her lifeline and heal myself at the same time.

In 2020, she was hospitalized for the last time. Due to COVID lockdowns, only essential caregivers were allowed in—and I was listed as hers. Most of her family lived on the reservation or in other provinces.

Pictured: Heather and Tut

After nearly 20 years apart, I saw that she had changed. She didn’t remember the abuse. I told her what she had done, and she asked for my forgiveness. Since she was no longer a threat to me, I gave it. Her family arrived to be with her during her final days—but emotionally, I couldn’t handle it. I left the hospital a day and a half before she passed.

After her death, I spiraled. I was grieving not only the person who once truly understood me, but also the guilt of not being there at the very end.

A year later, my birth father’s health was rapidly declining—he had dropped to 90 pounds. I had never gotten to know him, and now I was about to lose him too. The grief was compounded and overwhelming.

That’s when I found the Centre for Grief and Healing.

At first, I didn’t know where I fit in. I wasn’t legally Tut’s spouse, but in my heart, she was my wife. And though my birth father was still alive, I was already grieving him. The warm, patient staff helped me navigate these complicated emotions.

In the beginning, I worried that no one would understand my story. But I kept showing up. Week after week, I began to see parts of myself reflected in others. Eventually, I found the courage to share my own story. And slowly, I began to forgive myself.

My healing happened in a space where people genuinely cared for one another—and because of compassionate facilitators who held space without judgment.

By the end of the program, I still missed her and knew my healing wasn’t over—but I had regained my emotional footing. I was stronger, more grounded, and ready to face life’s next chapter.

Since then, life hasn’t always been easy and I still struggle with my past. But the tools I gained, and the support I received, helped me keep going. Most importantly, I learned that reaching out for help is okay. At the Centre for Grief and Healing, I felt that not only did my story matter, I could support others through listening and sharing." 

We thank Heather T. for courageously sharing her story and allowing us to witness her strength and vulnerability. Her journey is a powerful reminder that healing is ongoing and that support and compassion can help us find our footing again.

If Heather’s story has touched you or inspired you, we invite you to learn more about the work we do at our Centre. By supporting us, you help ensure that compassionate, accessible grief support is available to others navigating their own journeys; one story, one connection, one step at a time.